Why You Fail to Pull Yourself Together and Lose Weight

Pathological Cycle Of SlimmersPathological Cycle Of Slimmers

Why someone manages to go through a lifestyle change or weight loss from the beginning to the end (and then maintain it), while someone does not even get to start! Or another scenario: the decision is made, the goal is set, yet the fuse lasts for three days. Or worse, until dinner.

The thing is that people, who decide to change something, go through a certain cycle that consists of 6 points. Except that many people return to the starting position after reaching point 4. While success only expects one who reaches the two final levels.

In this article, you can recognize yourself. Do not be scared. Even if this is not your first time of moving in a circle of four points, this does not mean that you have no chance to succeed!


NegationYou deny the problem, or expect that it will be resolved by itself, something will happen and change your whole life. You are deceiving yourself unconsciously, yet inner sufferings are present. It is not always clear what kind of discomfort is this. And you may not associate it with weight.

Many people say to themselves for years:

  • “I gained some weight lately.Soon, I’ll pull myself together and lose it.”
  • “The main thing is that I’m a good person.”
  • “Standards have changed, now body-positive is in fashion.”

*Still, you do not feel well inside.


Once, you see yourself in a photo next to someone and understand that you have become of an immense size. You wake up. And you begin to be angry with:

  • yourself,
  • hard life,
  • work loads,
  • parents who instilled unhealthy eating habits.

AngerOwn photo gives horror, disgust and panic. Anger gives a lot of energy. It’s like a magic kick. In this phase, you sign up for a weight loss course, buy a gym membership, start running, read about popular diets and stuff.

Be Careful! In this condition, you will choose the tools that are called upon to urgently change the situation. “I need the result, and I need it right now!” Why is that? Because you want to reduce tension and level of horror and panic, and no longer see your terrible reflection in the mirror. You hate it.

Dieting it is! Which weight loss diet to choose? The most stringent and effective one! Better get on a hunger strike! Minus 7 kilograms in 3 days! Yes! Now you will definitely change everything, because you are so determined!

Still, to make a choice does not mean to go the way to the end. You probably noticed the paradox, how you started feeling better after you:

  • chose a diet,
  • signed up for a course.

You finish all the products that you will be forbidden to have tomorrow, and you eat them without worry and guilt, because tomorrow you will start the magic weight loss diet.

Do you know why this happens? In your head, you have already drawn a picture of the skinny yourself. And the brain does not know the difference between what is real and what is the imaginary.

Our brain does not need to do anything, because it already enjoys the new image, so:

  • It makes you feel better morally.
  • The tension subsides.
  • Anger and horror recede into the background.

In the morning of the next day (or Monday, depending on which start date you chose), when it comes to action, the brain collapses – what, you need to do something? “Doing” is a function of will and consciousness.

What happens next? Reluctantly, you begin to do what you need to do. The first half of the day you still cope with the “hungry” diet, motivation is still present. In the end, it disappears. It happens differently in everyone:

  • by the evening of the same day,
  • on the third day,
  • in the second week.

You forget about dieting and exercising… the third phase of the cycle begins.


GuiltIn anger, you had the strength to suffer and hold on, but it subsided… what now gives you the energy to move on? A thought sneaks into your head – maybe just a bit? A small one. “Nothing will happen, if I have just one bite. Moreover, I behaved well, I tolerated restrictions.” And the denial comes back “I’ve kinda lost some weight”, “In general, I’m not very fat.”

After this, the conflict and the struggle of motives begins, which express in “to eat or not to eat”. Your psychic can not endlessly remain under such tension, you need to make a choice. One of your parts must win, and the mind provokes you to act for self-preservation

You could not resist eating the forbidden. And this is where guilt comes up, which can lead to a destructive behavior:

  • You keep stuffing yourself with food for the rest of the day, because the day is already lost.
  • You promise yourself to have a fresh start again tomorrow!

Such “tomorrow I’ll start again” can make you gain quite a lot of extra weight, if you repeat them on a regular basis.

  1. you acknowledge that you failed,
  2. you feel guilty,
  3. your self-esteem lowers,
  4. your hands are falling or reaching for food.


ApathyGuilt overloads you. And you stop doing anything at all. You see yourself as a weak-willed person. It’s not acceptance, it’s indifference. Be as it will, nothing will work, I am sure. If food is used to level the emotional background, the result will not be long in coming.

This cycle can take place in one day, or over a long period of time. The phase of negation (yes, everything seems fine, there are no problems, going to get some cinnamon rolls) is replaced by the phase of anger, and so on. You can live in this cycle for years without finding a way out.

This cycle has two more phases, and if you get into them after the anger phase, you will leave the vicious circle.


AcceptanceThis is not apathy and not indifference! This is when you stop denying the problem and fighting the outside world. You accept the reality and agree with what is happening, and, at the same time, you take responsibility.

This is not because life is hard, and not because the cinnamon rolls seduced you. Your condition is the result of your “handiwork”. You REALIZE that you made wrong decisions, and these were your decisions, and now you can make other decisions. This is a conscious state.

There is a problem, and I will find a way out. At this moment, it is important to bring your thinking to the positive side:

  • do not reproach and humiliate yourself for what you have done.

Otherwise, you will again go into denial. Find all possible positive things in your current situation. All possible positive things. Evaluate everything that you did. Now, you can note what was inefficient, and you will avoid this step (for example, the hungry diet). Right now, you can find adequate tools. Now is the time to set the task and find the motivation.


You will inevitably want to get out of the situation by acting. In an adequate and motivated manner this time. It is not enough to know the way, we must move along it, move forward, overcoming ourselves.